[ teaser ]

[ credits ]

TONY. Hey, how was your date last night?
KATE. How did you know I had a date last night?
TONY. Yeah, you talked very loud on the phone, I've been meaning to say something.
KATE. You mean you eavesdropped.
TONY. Guess it didn't go too well, huh?
KATE. He had to cancel.
TONY. What excuse did he give?
KATE. Surgery.
TONY. It's a good one. I'll remember that. What was wrong with him?
KATE. He didn't have surgery, Tony. He performed it.
ABBY. Hey! How was your big date last night? What'd I say?
TONY. Date never happened.
ABBY. What excuse did he give?
TONY. Surgery.
ABBY. That's a good one!
GIBBS. Grab your stuff.
KATE. Where're we going?
GIBBS. West Virginia.
TONY. "Almost heaven. Take me home, country road." A little John Denver. Let me grab my gear.
GIBBS. Clarksburg.
KATE. What's in Clarksburg?
GIBBS. Junk dealer stumbled onto a leg.
KATE. We're driving to West Virginia to look at a leg?
GIBBS. It belongs to a marine.
TONY. How can you tell from a leg?

G. Gibbs. NCIS.
COP. How do?
GIBBS. This how you found the leg?
COP. Yes, sir. Mr. Green found it in that dumpster. When he realized what he was holding, he tossed it to get rid of it. Landed here. Kind of funny.
GIBBS. What?
COP. How it landed. Like it was climbing the stairs.
GIBBS. You think finding the severed leg of a marine is funny?
COP. No, sir. No, sir, I don't.
GIBBS. Find the rest of the body?
COP. Not yet. Local chief of police has his boys checking all the dumpsters and the town garbage pit. Well, I'll leave you all to it.
GIBBS. Tony, laser and sketch.
TONY. Got it.
GIBBS. Kate, take photos.
KATE. Yeah.
GIBBS. So, what do we got here, Duck, other than the obvious?
DUCKY. Well, with the absence of hemorrhagic tissue around the point of injury, I'd say the limb was severed postmortem.
GIBBS. Time of death?
DUCKY. From a leg? I'll tell you what, Gibbs. You find me a liver in that leg, and I'll estimate you a time of death.
KATE. What's that, wedged in the sole?
DUCKY. From a small seed, a mighty trunk may grow. Well, there's not much more for me to do here. I saw a great antique store around the corner. Give me a shout if you need me.
GIBBS. Ducky! Need you here.
DUCKY. Oh, Jethro, I refuse to speculate on the time of death of the marine missing that leg. However, I will tell you that the limb, itself, has been dead more than, no, less than 24 hours.
GIBBS. I'll shout if I need you. You find the boot?
MR. GREEN, JUNK DEALER. I was just looking for junk, stuff people throw out.
GIBBS. Like a boot?
MR. GREEN. Yep. No law against taking stuff folks thrown out. Why you putting on rubber gloves? We're going to need your prints.
MR. GREEN. For what?
GIBBS. Separate them from those we find on the leg.
MR. GREEN. You can take fingerprints off a leg?
TONY. I don't get the whole tattoo thing.
KATE. I'll add that to the ever-growing list of things you don't get.
TONY. Being stuck with a needle thousands of times for a piece of artwork... No, thank you.
KATE. It's more than just artwork, Tony.
TONY. On a woman, maybe.
KATE. What?
TONY. You know, on a woman. It means she's up for anything.
KATE. Abby's got tattoos.
TONY. No comment.
KATE. Oh, what about me? You think I'm up for anything?
TONY. You don't have a tat.
KATE. And if I did, then that would just blow your theory to hell, now wouldn't it?
TONY. Okay, say for a minute I believe you got one. Where is it?
KATE. Nowhere you will ever see.

DUCKY. Ah, necessity, the mother of invention. I suspect the inventors of super glue never imagined that, when heated up and applied to surfaces in gaseous form, its bonding capabilities would enable us to obtain fingerprints from a human leg.
KATE. I liked that commercial where the guy put super glue on his hard hat and then glued his head to the beam and hung there. I tried that with my little brother.
DUCKY. I sense this anecdote doesn't have a storybook ending.
ABBY. It does if you like your stories to end with bald seven year olds. He still gets mad when I call him Kojak.

ABBY. So I pulled a partial off her leg that isn't the junk collector's. Could be the victim's.
GIBBS. Run it through the military database.
ABBY. So any other body parts show up?
GIBBS. No.
ABBY. Isn't that a little bit hinky?
GIBBS. Oh, it's more than a bit. All we've got is a tattooed leg, a sock and a boot.
ABBY. You're forgetting about our interesting little bit of botanical evidence.
GIBBS. Oh, yeah. That. Yeah. Well, I want the life history, family, where it grew up...
ABBY. ...college transcripts, I know.
GIBBS. Yeah.

DUCKY. Our victim had a titanium ankle joint, which I'm about to remove.
GIBBS. That's too young for arthritis.
DUCKY. Yeah, it was most likely due to an accident, auto, motorcycle, skiing.
TONY. Polo. Polo's a very dangerous sport.
DUCKY. Yes, the joint will have a serial number traceable to the doctor who performed the surgery.
GIBBS. Anything else?
DUCKY. Well, as I suspected, our Marine was dismembered postmortem. Here. The jagged teeth pattern on the femur bone suggests that a saw was used. Well, he didn't feel it, Tony.
TONY. Still makes me wince.
DUCKY. Yes, well, given how straight and clean the cut was, it was almost certainly some kind of power saw. I wonder if they still have the Eurail pass. Yeah. In the summer of my 18th year, my grandfather gave me a Eurail pass to celebrate my advancement to university. I traveled to nine different countries. Met an Austrian girl named Giselle who left her fingerprints on my heart. Visited all the major museums of Europe. The artwork was extraordinary. Ah, Da Vinci, Rembrandt, Van Gogh, Renoir... Botticelli...
TONY. I like saying "Botticelli." And that brings me to Christy Brown, the Irish poet and painter. Yes, he suffered from cerebral palsy. Learned to paint with his foot. Quite remarkable. He wrote an autobiography, "My Left Foot", which became an exceptional film starring Daniel Day Lewis.
GIBBS. That's a right foot.
DUCKY. Oh. So it is. Ah, well.

KATE. Serial number of the ankle joint is three-two-seven four-zero-one-five. I'll hold. Doing something case-related?
TONY. Joint replacement database site, targeting orthopedic specialists, search referenced to hospital privileges and surgical records.
KATE. All right, DiNozzo.
TONY. Is it on your butt?
KATE. I told you, I was kidding.
TONY. You only said you were kidding because you were embarrassed you told me.
KATE .I don't have a tattoo.
TONY. It's a butterfly, isn't it? You seem like a butterfly kind of girl.
KATE. Yeah, it's a butterfly. On my hip. Oh, yes, I'm still here. Thank you. The manufacturer shipped our Marine's titanium ankle to the Naval Hospital in Bethesda in '99.
TONY. It was signed for by Captain Brent Peters. May 14, 2000.
KATE. I'll call Gibbs.
TONY. It's not a butterfly, is it?

CAPT. BRENT PETERS. I remember that surgery. We usually fuse the ankle and implant a metal splint in our young servicemen. But his ankle was literally crushed in an auto wreck. May of 2000, you said?
GIBBS. According to our research.
CAPT. PETERS. Here it is. May 15, 2000. I implanted that ankle in Marine Private First Class Thomas Dorn.
GIBBS. What can you tell me about him?
CAPT. PETERS. I can tell you a lot about his ankle. I don't even remember the rest of him.
GIBBS. Seems to be a recurring problem.
CAPT. PETERS. The ankle?
GIBBS. No, the rest of him. His leg was found in a Clarksburg, West Virginia trash bin early this morning.
CAPT. PETERS. Just the leg?
GIBBS. So far.
CAPT. PETERS. How deteriorated was the leg?
GIBBS. It wasn't. The M.E. estimated he died within the previous 24 hours. There a problem?
CAPT. PETERS. According to his military record... PFC Dorn died two years ago.

TONY. PFC Don's service record. He was only in the Corps 11 months before the accident. He was about to get a medical discharge when he died.
KATE. Got the death certificate. Signed by a Dr. Sylvia Chalmers in Harmony, West Virginia.
GIBBS. Harmony?
KATE. Yeah, population 1,600. Sounds cute, doesn't it?
GIBBS. Cause of death, myocardial infarction. A heart attack at 22?
KATE. As Abby would say, pretty hinky.
TONY. I do believe the die is cast, however. If your parents and grandparents live to be old, so will you.
GIBBS. I had an aunt who died at seven.
TONY. Just a theory.
GIBBS. Where's the autopsy report?
KATE. There isn't one.
GIBBS. You mean you didn't find it.
KATE. No, I mean no autopsy. The doctor signed a death certificate, but that was it.
TONY. Small town, you can get away with murder.
GIBBS. The hell you can. You find the doctor in Harmony, why there was no autopsy report. Find out where this body is buried. You get a court order to dig up PFC Dorn, and you have that body shipped back here to Ducky.

DUCKY. Abby!
ABBY. Ducky!
DUCKY. Find anything?
ABBY. Nothing yet. I'll tell you one thing, though. This guy had huge feet. I could wear this sock as a leg warmer.
DUCKY. What are you implying, Abby?
ABBY. I'm not implying anything. But you know what they say about guys with big hands and big feet, right?
DUCKY. What?
ABBY. They're clowns. I got something.

TONY. What are you so happy about?
KATE. I'm just looking forward to Harmony.
TONY. You really like small towns?
KATE. Peace and quiet? A place where people know you by name? No Blockbuster or Starbucks on every corner. What's not to like?
TONY. It's too quiet. Everybody knows your name. There're no Blockbusters or Starbucks on every corner.
KATE. You know, big cities just can't give you what small towns can, Tony. It's a simpler way of life, a slice of Americana.
TONY. Oh, one that doesn't include 50 yard line seats to the Redskins or women with full sets of teeth.
KATE. Yeah, always comes back to that, doesn't it?
TONY. See? You do get me.

ABBY. Hey, Gibbs? I ran the partial we pulled off the leg through the military database.
GIBBS. Yeah?
ABBY. No match. But I did find a piece of straw on the sock.
GIBBS. What kind?
ABBY. The hay kind. Just your regular basic straw. Sorry.
GIBBS. Thanks, Abs.

KATE. This is just how I pictured it.
TONY. This is just how I pictured it.
DARLENE. Can I help you?
TONY. I'm sure you can. I'm Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo. NCIS. You can call me Tony. We'd like to talk to Dr. Chalmers, uh... Darlene...
DARLENE. Okay.
KATE. Why don't you just give her a breast exam?
TONY. In good time.

ABBY. Our seed matured and fell in late fall. It comes from a monoecious yellow flower. Not too showy. The male and female appearing in March to April in separate spherical heads. The leaf is palmately veined. It's four to eight inches wide, ovate in shape, and has three to five lobes.
GIBBS. Abby, are we ever going to get to the tree?
ABBY. Platanus occidentalis, or more commonly known as...
GIBBS. ...a sycamore tree.
ABBY. I'm afraid so.
GIBBS. Pretty much grow everywhere, don't they?
ABBY. Yep.

DR. SYLVIA CHALMERS. It was a tragedy. He was such a nice-looking young marine.
KATE. Had you met him before?
DR. CHALMERS. No, no, he didn't live around here.
TONY. He just walked in?
DR. CHALMERS. Well, I was the only doctor for 40 miles at the time.
TONY. Dr. Burger on the sign, is he a new addition?
DR. CHALMERS. He's buying out my practice. I still see some of the older patients who don't trust a young doctor. He's only 37.
KATE. Hm. And who brought PFC Dorn into your office?
DR. CHALMERS. I believe he just walked in. Thelma could have told you. Thelma Bowman, my nurse. She died last summer. Stroke. We were together, doctor and nurse, for nearly 30 years.
KATE. I'm sorry.
DR. CHALMERS. So am I. You saw that young thing Dr. Burger hired to replace her?
TONY. Sure did.
KATE. I'm sorry. Go on.
DR. CHALMERS. Well, uh, Thelma brought this young Marine into my office. Sat him right down there in that chair. He couldn't catch his breath. He was suffering extreme chest pains. Classic heart attack symptoms.
TONY. Why didn't Thelma just take him to an examination room?
DR. CHALMERS. Well, we only have one. And, uh, let's see, I think the Thomas twins was in there with the measles. Well, anyway, before I could get up from this chair, he'd collapsed. Right where you're standing now. And I administered CPR, while Thelma called county looking for the ambulance. Only, it was over at a car accident way out in Turtle Creek.
TONY. The county only has one ambulance?
DR. CHALMERS. You've never lived in a small county, have you, son?
TONY. Fortunately, no.
DR. CHALMERS. Well, it has its compensations. Anyway by the time the ambulance got here, young Dorn had expired.
KATE. And why didn't the coroner do an autopsy?
DR. CHALMERS. Well, I... I didn't feel there was a need to.
TONY. You're the coroner?
DR. CHALMERS. I was. It's pro bono work. Dr. Burger's coroner now. I did do a blood test and found elevated levels of cardiac enzymes. That and his symptoms seemed sufficient.
KATE. Not anymore. We're getting a court order to exhume the body.
DR. CHALMERS. Oh, my. I'm afraid that's going to be impossible.
KATE. You had it cremated?
DR. CHALMERS. No, I didn't. His sister did. She was so upset when she identified the body. She didn't have the money to ship him home, she wanted to scatter his ashes over the Blue Ridge Mountains. I told her I really should do an autopsy. But she was so distraught over the, the thought of him being cut up.
KATE. You let her talk you out of it?
DR. CHALMERS. I've known the pain of loss. I'm afraid I let hers affect me more than it should have, professionally. That had never happened to me in all my years as a doctor. That was when I decided it was time to retire and sell my practice.
TONY. You recognize this marine?
DR. CHALMERS. No, I don't. Why? Should I? It's PFC Thomas Dorn.

KATE. What are you thinking?
TONY. Estée Lauder.
KATE. The perfume?
TONY. She was wearing it. Older ladies seem to like it. Had an ex-girlfriend who used it.
KATE. Is that why she's an ex-girlfriend?
TONY. Exactly. How does a sister misidentify her brother?
KATE. She doesn't.
TONY. We going to have to report the autopsy screw-up?
KATE. Do I detect a soft heart thing happening here?
TONY. That's it, isn't it? The tattoo's a heart.
KATE. We're back on that again.
TONY. I just can't imagine you getting a tatto, that's all.
KATE. I was drunk.
TONY. I can't imagine you're drunk either. So...
KATE. It is not heart. It's a rose on my butt. Can we move on now?
TONY. Sure.
KATE. So we are done with this then.
TONY. We are done. So, which cheek is it on?

GIBBS. What killed him?
ABBY. Digitalis.
GIBBS. The heart medication?
ABBY. Yep. The tox level in Dorn's leg, alone, was enough to kill a bull.
GIBBS. Would an overdose give symptoms of a heart attack?
ABBY. Not just the symptoms. Oh, okay! So, you think our leg and that marine that died two years ago of a heart attack are tied together?
GIBBS. I do not believe in coincidences.
ABBY. What about that rock formation on the moon that looks like Jay Leno's chin?
TONY. It's perfectly normal.
KATE. On a race track, maybe.
TONY. Women will never understand taking a little car ride and trying to beat your best time.
ABBY. I hate it when men do that.
TONY. See, this is a woman thing.
GIBBS. How'd you do?
TONY. Pretty good. I beat my time by four minutes, including construction detours.
GIBBS. In Harmony.
TONY. Oh, uh... Doc Chalmers is a very sweet little old lady who, um, unfortunately also happens to be the local coroner. Small town, boss. Small town.
KATE. A woman claiming to be Dorn's sister I.D.ed the body and then conned her into skipping the autopsy and cremating the body.
ABBY. Cremation. It's a dead end. What?
GIBBS. This woman must be some sweet talker.
KATE. Well, it's more Dr. Chalmers is a very connable little old lady.
TONY. Probably gets her roof shingled and her driveway tarred every year.
GIBBS. Does Dorn even have a sister?
KATE. His military file indicates his only living relative is a half-sister, Melissa Dorn.
GIBBS. Put a trace on her?
KATE. Well, I did the best I can balancing my laptop while pulling five G-turns.
TONY. That's an exaggeration, boss. I mean, maybe three G's, once.
KATE. 10 Mill Road, Comus, Maryland.
GIBBS. Keys.
TONY. What? I can't drive because Kate's chicken?
KATE. I'm not a chicken.
GIBBS. You can't drive because you're not going.
TONY. Oh. That's different. Why aren't I going?
GIBBS. Because you're going to be doing a background check on Melissa Dorn. Kate, you coming?
TONY. Abs, do you know where Kate has her tat?
ABBY. Yep.

GIBBS. Watch her body language.
KATE. What are we looking for, short of a confession?
GIBBS. Sometimes it's not what they say. It's what they don't say.
KATE. Which translates into, "We don't have a search warrant, and this is the easiest way in." What's wrong?
GIBBS. You know what kind of tree this is?
KATE. Botany was my weakest subject.
GIBBS. Sycamore.

MELISSA DORN. Hi. Can I help you?
GIBBS. You already have.

MELISSA DORN. You would've liked Tommy. He was the life of the party.
KATE. He was your half-brother.
MELISSA DORN. Yeah. We were raised by our father. Do you have any brothers and sisters?
GIBBS. No.
MELISSA DORN. An only child. I figured as much.
GIBBS. How so?
MELISSA DORN. You have all the classic traits of a first-born. Confident, pays attention to detail, perfectionist... difficulty sharing.
GIBBS. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Depends.
MELISSA DORN. So why the visit after two years?
KATE. We're working on another case. Um, there might be a tenuous connection.
MELISSA DORN. Well, how can I help?
KATEATE. Do you have any of your brother's personal effects?
MELISSA DORN. Anything that I didn't donate, I threw away. It, uh, would've made me sad. Oh, where are my manners? Would you like some coffee?
GIBBS. Oh, yeah, I'd love some coffee.
KATE. None for me, thanks.

GIBBS. This may be the cleanest kitchen I've ever seen.
MELISSA DORN. Well, that's because it's never been used.
GIBBS. Not the domestic type, huh?
MELISSA DORN. No. I eat over the sink so I don't have plates to wash.
GIBBS. You even have plates?
MELISSA DORN. Paper.
GIBBS. This is a big house for one person.
MELISSA DORN. And two cats. Do you like cats?
GIBBS. They don't much like me.
MELISSA DORN. How can you tell?
GIBBS. By the way they look at me.
MELISSA DORN. I hate to break it to you but cats only have one expression.
GIBBS. Thank you.
MELISSA DORN. You should actually try it before you thank me.
GIBBS. Yeah, it's perfect. Thank you.
MELISSA DORN. Really? You're right.
GIBBS. I like your tattoo.
MELISSA DORN. It means...
GIBBS. Peace, health, prosperity.
MELISSA DORN. You know Chinese. Any other hidden talents I should know about?
GIBBS. I can sample the frosting on a cake without leaving a fingerprint.
MELISSA DORN. Wow. This is, um... gonna sound terrible, but... I hope whatever you're investigating is... is tied to Tom.
GIBBS. Why?
MELISSA DORN. Then I wouldn't need to make up an excuse to see you.

KATE. You weren't buying any of that, were you?
GIBBS. Any of what?
KATE. You know. Her...charm.
GIBBS. Is it really that hard to believe, Kate, that I might be attractive to a woman?
KATE. That's not what I meant.
GIBBS. You find us anything to get us a search warrant?
KATE. Well, she told you that she lives alone, but the toilet seat was up in the downstairs bathroom.
GIBBS. Oh. You can tell that one to the judge.
KATE. Okay, Abby found a piece of straw in Dorn's sock, and there is a barn around the back. Okay. I found nothing to give us probable cause.
GIBBS. Maybe I did.

GIBBS. Question. Can you match DNA from trees like you can with humans?
ABBY. Absolutely. Plant DNA, like human DNA, is unique to each plant, so you can distinguish one sycamore tree from another.
GIBBS. Okay. Try matching these... to the seed we found in Dorn's boot.
ABBY. Is the other sample from another location?
GIBBS. No. Same tree.
ABBY. So you want me to run the test twice?
GIBBS. Yeah. Okay, how long before you have something on both samples?
ABBY. Depends on whether or not you want it fast or you want it right.
GIBBS. Both.
ABBY. Both. We need four...carry the seven, divided by - six hours.
GIBBS. Clock's ticking, Abs.

TONY. Six-letter word for a reason to commit a crime? Come on, don't tense up. Starts with "M."
KATE. Murder.
TONY. No. "Motive".
KATE. Murder is a motive.
GIBBS. What do you have?
TONY. A six-letter word for a reason to commit a crime.
GIBBS. DiNozzo!
TONY. That's seven letters.
GIBBS. Works for me. What have you got?
TONY. PFC Dorn... purchased a term policy for three quarters of a million two months before his heart attack in Harmony. The beneficiary is his only living relative.
KATE. His half-sister Melissa. She and Dorn fed some sucker digitalis and dropped him off in Harmony.
TONY. Harmony, a small, crappy town where she identifies the sucker as her brother, cons the old lady coroner with crocodile tears into cremating the body and not performing an autopsy.
GIBBS. The insurance company paid the claim?
TONY. Sure did.
GIBBS. Get the name of the adjuster?
TONY. Stanley Borden. Rexford Mutual, Baltimore.
GIBBS. Why are you two still here?

TONY. Come on, Kate, you're only going ten miles over the limit.
KATE. And that's pushing it.
TONY. What good is it being an armed federal agent if you can't drive fast?
KATE. You get to shoot bad guys.
TONY. True.
KATE. You should have seen Gibbs with Melissa.
TONY. He threaten to shoot her?
KATE. Just the opposite. He was flirting with her. I didn't think he had it in him.
TONY. Well, he had it in him at some point. He has been married three times. All redheads.
KATE. Melissa's a redhead.
TONY. That explains it.
KATE. Wait, so is that woman who picks him up now and then. Who is she?
TONY. Not a clue.
KATE. So he could really be attracted to Melissa?
TONY. You can't control who you're attracted to. The whole Julia Roberts-Lyle Lovett thing proves that. Billy Joel, Christie Brinkley -
KATE. I get it.
TONY. - Angelina Jolie, Billy Bob Thornton -
KATE. You haven't answered my question.
TONY. - Paulina Porizkova and that guy from the cars. If you're asking me whether Gibbs could get involved with a murder suspect, the answer is no.
KATEATE. Three redheaded ex-wives says his judgment is a little questionable.
TONY. None of them were murder suspects. Although I don't know about the redhead who picks him up now and then.

STANLEY BORDEN. A 22-year-old Marine buys a term life policy for 750 grand, then kicks two months later from a heart attack? No way I wanted to pay that claim.
TONY. But you did.
STANELY BORDEN. I was overruled from upstairs.
KATE. Three quarter of a million dollar question: why?
STANLEY BORDEN. The sister threatened to sue. See, juries get angry when insurance companies don't pay, especially to the only survivor of a marine injured while serving his country. They tend to award very large multi- million-dollar payments as punishment.
KATE. Cheaper to pay her off.
STANLEY BORDEN. It's our form of insurance.
TONY. Anything turn up in the investigation?
STANLEY BORDEN. Nothing that would convince a jury.
TONY. Try us.
STANLEY BORDEN. Okay. But you two think like her lawyer. Why'd he buy a big policy at such a young age, and name a half-sister beneficiary?
TONY. Half-sister or not, she was his only living relative. And why'd your salesmen sell it to him if it was so unusual?
STANLEY BORDEN. Why was he cremated before an autopsy could be performed, at the sister's request?
KATE. Coroner thought an autopsy was unnecessary. Many people prefer cremation over tombs.
STANLEY BORDEN. Do I need to go on?
TONY. No. You've made your point.
STANLEY BORDEN. If you can prove this was a scam, we'll recover something, if only satisfaction.

DUCKY. Six cups and it isn't even noon.
GIBBS. Oh, Duck, this one's bothering me.
DUCKY. Yeah, so Abby said. You have her doing the same test twice.
GIBBS. Dorn's leg shows up in a trash bin. Tox screen shows digitalis, which is probably what he and/or his sister gave the marine in Harmony two years ago to pull off an insurance scam.
DUCKY. Sounds reasonable.
GIBBS. So who killed Dorn a few days ago? Why toss his leg into a trash bin? And why can't we find the rest of his body?
DUCKY. I recall a case in the forensic journal where the only evidence was a thumb found in the coin return of a pay phone.
GIBBS. Yeah? And?
DUCKY. Well, that's the only part I remember.
GIBBS. Aw, Ducky, this is not helping me.
DUCKY. Have you identified the body the sister claims was Dorn's?
GIBBS. Cremated and spread over the Blue Ridge Mountains.
DUCKY. Ah, well, that does pose a problem.
GIBBS. Duck? Who would you get to pose as a Marine?
DUCKY. You.
GIBBS. Yeah.
DUCKY. Well, I would.

ABBY. Match! It's not from the same tree.

GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. The manual says it takes three minutes to change a tire on the LAV-25. The manual was written by an Army pogue! I say Marines can do it in less than two! What do you say?
MARINES. Hoo-rah!
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Make it happen.
GIBBS. Gunny Vesta. Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. I recall an M.P. Gibbs. Lejeune. Long time ago.
GIBBS. Could be.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. He was high and tight.
GIBBS. Not exactly long and shaggy, Gunny.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Seen sheep dogs shorter.
GIBBS. Don't recall you.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Court Street. J-ville.
GIBBS. Broke up a lot of brawls there.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. I was one of them. Got me a week in the brig.
GIBBS. Gonna hold that against me?
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Nah. You was one of the better prison chasers. You gave us smoke breaks on our work detail. That's why I remember you. 45 seconds! How can I help you, Gibbs?
GIBBS. PFC Thomas Dorn.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Ain't heard that sandbagger's name since he OD'd a couple of years ago.
GIBBS. Death certificate says heart attack.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Coke-induced, I'll bet.
GIBBS. If he was a cokehead, why didn't you boot his butt out?
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Car accident beat me to it.
GIBBS. He have any buds?
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. A couple. He was, uh, he was tight with a Corporal Morgan. He went UA same time Dorn kicked.
GIBBS. Bet you never found him, right?
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Not that I heard of. Probably holed up in some backwaterville with that redhead they used to run with.
GIBBS. Melissa.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Yeah, that's her name. She was a fox. And both Dorn and Morgan were shacking up with her. You know her?
GIBBS. Oh, yeah. Yeah, know her. Dorn's half sister.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. She didn't act like no sister. Minute 30! Why are you,uh, why are you asking about this now?
GIBBS. Dorn's leg was found deep-sixed in a dumpster two days ago.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Two days? Some ghoul dig him up?
GIBBS. No. Had beaucoup life insurance. From what you just told me, it looks like he and Melissa killed Corporal Morgan. She identified the body as Dorn, cremated him, claimed the insurance.
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. Then who killed Dorn?
GIBBS. Well, foxy lady may be a black widow.
MARINE TEAM. Hoo-rah!
GUNNERY SERGEANT VESTA. You want to tell them?
GIBBS. Hoo-rah!
MARINE TEAM. Hoo-rah!

GIBBS. Hey, what's wrong?
ABBY. Look at it.
GIBBS. Looks like a match.
ABBY. Precisely.
GIBBS. That's good work, Abby.
ABBY. No, it's not! You gave me two samples from the same tree. B matched and A didn't! I screwed up!
GIBBS. Sycamore A was from a tree down the street.
ABBY. What?
GIBBS. The idea of matching plant DNA was a bit hinky for me.
ABBY. Oh, ye of little faith.
GIBBS. Abby, come on. All I did was give you a blind test.
ABBY. Well, you could have done that by not telling me which sample came from the suspect's sycamore!
GIBBS. I didn't think of that. This puts Dorn at Melissa's house. You know what that means?
ABBY. You got probable cause.

GIBBS. Tony, you take the barn. Kate, you got the house.
KATE. What are you gonna take? That didn't come out right. Not what I meant.
GIBBS. Yeah, I know what you meant.
MELISSA DORN. Well, was my coffee that good?
GIBBS. We're here to execute a search warrant.
MELISSA DORN. For what? My brother died two years ago. His body was cremated.
GIBBS. Don't you mean it was Corporal Morgan's body that was cremated?

TONY. This has to be the cleanest barn ever. If she uses a service, I got to have that number.

MELISSA DORN. I really don't know what you think you're gonna find here. Why do you keep staring at me? I could never have killed Tommy. I loved him.
GIBBS. A gunny who knew both of you told me the same thing. Funny, though. He didn't know that you were brother and sister.

GIBBS. Looks like you could use a glass of water. Thank you. Have Abby compare her prints with those on her brother's leg.
TONYONY. Blood on the floor, nicks in the concrete. Looks like they were made by a power saw. Gotta be where she did her slicing and dicing.
GIBBS. What?
TONY. There's someone else.
KATE. Who else is here? Who else is here?
TONY. Boss, I'd like you to meet Dr. Sylvia Chalmers... who loves Esté Lauder.

K. Dr. Chalmers!
DR. CHALMERS. Good afternoon, Agent Todd.
KATE. You were in on it!
DR. CHALMERS. In on what, my dear?
MELISSA DORN. They know, Mama.
KATEATE AND TONY. "Mama"?!
DR. CHALMERS. They didn't know I was your mama until you told them, dear. I know I should have told you all back in Harmony, but the mother in me had to protect my only child. It was wrong. I know that. But her wicked half-brother intimidated her into defrauding an insurance company when his friend had a heart attack.
GIBBS. Brought on by an overdose of digitalis.
DR. CHALMERS. What in the world would make you think that? Couldn't be from a forensic test. Melissa had his body cremated.
GIBBS. Hey, notice how it's all you, Melissa?
DR. CHALMERS. A marine has a heart attack in my office. Melissa identifies him as her half brother, who I've never met. Now, how am I involved?
MELISSA DORN. Mother...
DR. CHALMERS. Melissa, you defrauded an insurance company. I'm afraid you're going to have to take your punishment for that... and only that.
GIBBS. Boy, oh, boy, you are good, but so are we. We found your digitalis in Thomas Dorn's leg.
DR. CHALMERS. My digitalis? Every doctor and hospital in this country uses digitalis.
GIBBS. Each order has its own chemical marker. How else would a manufacturer recall a specific batch if they had a quality control problem?
MELISSA DORN. You shouldn't have done it, Mama.
DR. CHALMERS. Calm yourself, Melissa. Just calm yourself. They can only prove that you defrauded an insurance company.
MELISSA DORN. No, mama. They can prove everything. They know you killed them with digitalis. They know you cut up Tommy into little pieces, and they know you threw him away in the garbage...
DR. CHALMERS. she's just hysterical. You can't use any of this in court.
GIBBS. She was read her rights. She waived them. We can use it all. We will.
DR. CHALMERS. You little fool. They couldn't prove anything.
MELISSA DORN. I don't care anymore, Mama. I loved Tommy, and you murdered him.

TONY. They just found the left arm in a garbage dump at Chiefton.
KATE. Where does that leave us?
TONY. That's a right arm from Katylick, a torso from Marshville and the original leg from the dumpster in Clarksburg.
KATE. Still no head or left leg.
TONY. Well, which I'm betting are going to be turning up around Lake Floyd or Jarvisville.
ABBY. Did you check Hooterville?
TONY. Where's Hooterville?
ABBY. You guys, Petticoat Junction? Green Acres? Hooterville?
TONY. I prefer TV shows from this century.
ABBY. Oh, come on. They're hilarious. When we were in college, we had this drinking game...and the drugs collect in a solvent layer, and that leaves only proteins and biological material behind.
TONY. Huh?
KATE. That's great, Abby. I'll make sure to get that in the report.
TONY. What report?
GIBBS. We got Humpty-Dumpty back together?
KATE. Most of him.
TONY. Melon and left leg are still outstanding.
GIBBS. Any more tattoos?
TONY. Just the rose on Kate's butt.
GIBBS. It's not a rose.
KATE. He doesn't know. He is lying just like he did about the digitalis. Okay, tell them. Gibbs!

______________________________________________________________

Much thanks to Team NCIS (Tom, Brice, Nath, Jordanas, BadGOne, Plissken, Ugo, Moustou, Max, and especially Sébastien Gaillot) - kim1047, hyojunet, kwanho_hong - for the closed-caption scripts.